Living In The Light

When dealing with love, soul connections and loss, we are dealing with the energy flow of the universe. All things must change over time, and if not, we hold the flow of life away from us in a rigid, controlling way.

In our rigid mindset, we avoid change and loss. We cannot control the death experience. We never know when it’s our time to leave, so we protect ourselves from the truth that all living things die. The anxiety of that reality is overwhelming. We never know how long we will have a person. We have a hard time talking about death and dying, and we rarely discuss the situation with our loved ones.

When someone close to us dies, we are left with a gaping hole in our soul and in our life. We literally ache for them to return, and the more years spent with the person, the more distraught the survivor is. We try to distract ourselves from the reality of the situation. We deny the truth and pretend the person will be home soon.

Don’t be upset if you do this. This is our mind trying to protect us from the impact of the loss. Denial is unconscious, you don’t even know you are in it. We try to adjust to life without the loved one, but it gets overwhelming.

If we get stuck in the pain and loss, we cannot fire up enough energy to start and rebuild our life. Whatever we build after the death, it can never be the same again. We build a “new normal,” and try to act in positive ways. Some people feel a part of them has died with the lost loved one. Some have rituals daily that keeps them close to their loved one, like going to visit them where they are buried.

Some people have a shrine or altar to the deceased. Others have their loved ones’ ashes in a nice container in their homes. There is no wrong or right. You do what is helpful to you. Some join grief support groups. They realize they need to feel strong to get “through” the first year. I like to ask each person how he or she envisions his or her future life. Some people and families can’t even go there emotionally. They simply ask how they are going to live without their lost loved one. Many are distraught because there is no correct way to go on.